JC Inman #4 Soliloquies To The Departed

… Open the door

The hat rack has a mirror...

And who is this stranger

Coming home to my house

Who doesn’t have a hat?

Paid vacations are

Really a break from drinking every night

I don’t remember waking up

With a full tank

I don’t think my husband

Knows who I am.

My commute is shorter-

I’m not home all day!

It’s as though i stopped

Being

And became a negative

Neither wanted this

Who would

… Wonder now

Do you believe in heaven

Or if I should?

I cooked your favourite.

The smell! I felt

Arms around my waist,

In front of the stove

And swayed.

… So selfish, always

The times where I wished

I was man enough to stop you

Knock you to the floor

And just when things were

Getting good. This.

… All grown up now.

Cant believe Im still here,

Still talking to you.

I hope you don’t mind

Is this really what you wanted for me?

I wouldn’t have, not her,

If you were still...

I plugged in an old thumb drive

And there you were

After football training

Smiling before we found out.

You had all your hair

Looking solid. I cried and cried.

I could list the stresses

But they’re the same.

Something good happened

Today as I crossed the

Station. In greeting,

An old colleague

Hugged me.