hand of petals opens morning
floats poised
light rolls the rain
to the next place
bare feet snuggle in mud
rushless
food and sharing
watchful awning of birdsong
watchful awning of birdsong
twenty-seven choruses and counting
all curves of hillock and swale
full with music
no gong for meal time
you wouldn't hear it anyway
Mound and gully?
ReplyDeleteKnoll and ditch?
Or does it work as is?
It works as it is. Love hillock and swale.
ReplyDeleteThanks James. I wasn't so sure when i read it again today> seemed like a good idea at 1am.
Deletea good start to the feedback.
and wondering if that line should be changed-
ReplyDeletecups and curves of..
remove the all' ?
I like that, a good change I think. When I was doing some editing of my stuff for another book, I noticed how often I use 'all', and 'so'. An editor thought I was over reacting in my changes, but you know......I think cups really works, but you can go over things too much sometimes.
Delete