Excellent. Clear as a bell. The imagery is striking. The ending is very fine. (I reckon the ellipsis at the end of "spring" is unnecessary, since you have flagged all that with your "yet-to-come" and followed it with the next line italicised, all of which indicates to the reasonable reader that they are at the top of the swing...and here be a ruminative pause. :))
I agree with you about the ellipsis, and I'm pleased the poem came across well anyway!
I love this and Rob S I think I might approach that same line different slight wording with one spring yet to come... that simplifies it. But it does remove that sweet slump.
Yes, Kerri. I agree about that line "[...] one spring yet to come" - the half-rhyme (and the rest!) would fuse nicely with the word "young" at the end of the next line. No diminution of the power there, I think.
Well, that's something I hadn't thought of — but then I only wrote it this morning!
this is lovely - don't read my poem please :) (it's an unhinged toilet door I fixed today)
'Omphale: of poetry ii' is one I can relate to!
Ha. Kerri and Efi, I love your poetry. This fine poem of Robbie's...let's hear from the maker.
I sense our anthology may need to have a definitions and manifestos section (or perhaps separate sections?)
sounds good, Kit!
Rings and sings!
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