Sunday, September 23, 2018

Kit Kelen #996 - my greatest disappointment


996
my greatest disappointment
(notes towards a new il penseroso)



my greatest disappointment
– this world
the people I meet
hearts nearest mine the most

how so insensible to what there is?

and blow it out to cosmos
all unbreathable
emptiness everywhere
stars burn till out
so what

not meaning is the general scheme
except of course it's not

existence –
like this unread proof
who will dare to call?

and sometimes only weather
birds in a useless flit
to bone
to dust
and so to stone

so much unkindness, vaccuity
everything is nothing
simple cliché
for not even an end

complexity is just as cursed
for instance – see we're here
and from and to
and faster
none can doubt

the autombile – a killing machine
burning oil and coal kills millions

the more of us is most depressing

hatred, war, spite, envy, greed
ages of unreason
no patch now untouched

even love – the seas run dry
count on us
we're gone

clocks?
who was the genius?

passage of years, seasons, months
and me, a speck in time

the body?
one big ache
and something to sneeze from

each sensation
a disappointment
sniff at a flower, wilt

music I can't play
and who can understand it?
the same with words
come along so far

discussing it solves nothing
close your eyes – still there

dreams are just a rearrangement
someone coughs and snores next door

then wake to all that is again

my god!
no, never mine
no
no, not at all
gods were the first fake news

the monkey in me knows it all
sees the nutshell, under over

and I myself to top this list
could have stayed up in the leaves
but no
I have to know
I'm every day falling
further
and further

these words are not good enough

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