Cui Yuwei #34--"Breaking Two Habits"

Cui Yuwei #34--"Breaking Two Habits"

Breaking Two Habits

Written and self-translated into Chinese by Cui Yuwei

I’ve been hooked on

Two things since I was

A middle school student

Thing one: I bite my fingers

Bit by bit

Till the nails are jagged and

The tips raw with

Blood and flesh

Whenever my hands are

Idle

Thing two: I tear the layers of skin

Off my lower lip

Bit by bit

Till it bleeds

Whenever my lips chap

Getting off bed this morning

I stand in front of the mirror

Gazing at the ghost-like

Reflection of myself

With tumbled hair, vacant eyes

Cragged fingertips and bloody lips

I feel so scared

That I cram the two habits

I’ve long possessed

Into a paper envelope

Fold it up and squeeze it

Under one leg of my marble dining table

The shriek from inside

Is also blood-red

《兩種習慣》

自初中時起

我就壹直沈迷於

兩件事

第壹：每逢我的手

無事可做時

我會壹點壹點地

啃指頭

啃到指甲參差不齊

露出紅肉

第二：每逢我的嘴唇

幹裂時

我會壹絲壹絲地

扯掉下唇的幹皮

扯到鮮血滲出

晨起後

我立在鏡前

望著鏡中的自己

蓬亂的頭發

無神的瞳孔

凹凸的指尖

染血的雙唇

這幅鬼模樣

把自己嚇得不輕

我毅然把這兩種

常年相伴的習慣

裝進紙信封

反復折疊後塞入

大理石餐桌腳下

裏面發出尖叫

竟然也是血紅的