Kristen de Kline #117 Crushing charcoal (thanks Kerri S)

I.
Return to Lawless you can never stay away   for long  
 - a shadow?  - an abandoned engine?   someone  something beckons you back

to the darkness, the danger, the edge of Lawless: kerosene lamps, strung out like fairy
lights illuminate the allotment: discarded motors, chrome car corpses   always

hungry,  thirsty, gasp for     breath     on the toxic waste dumpster at the edge
of the block fluorescent skulls and cross bones streak across the bin     we scavenge

for loose coins, metallic tools - wrenches to the heart,   runaway lines, stray
words     that stutter on the edge of your page, hesitate before breaking into song:

speaking   shouting   purging     louder,

increasingly     by the minute, crazier:  the end of laughter and soft lies
wrapping you up          bringing you
down

fuelled by AA batteries the ghetto blaster propped on a milk crate tower emits a scratchy wail:
I'll never look into your eyes,     again  

There's a finality there.   Again.
And again.   And again ...

II.
Before Lawless     can one picture it?   mortgaged property  suburban cul de sac
housing estate  long term partner  children  private school  vehicles: not rusted out hoisted on

Dominion Brewery beer crates - not  a "contested item"  -  houses one could enter   streets
one could walk up and down     institutions you'd cross the threshold of without   being

slapped     hard
breached
kicked down
charged
slapped again

that hurt

Before Lawless

III.
Return to Lawless   the man with hollow bones and peppermint breath like Oddfellows
hands you a glass of red in a paper cup    someone's slashed the Valiant tyres, he says, you won't

be drivin' it anywhere    stay close to me: another glass of red, red wine  
a man, ghostly desperately in need of a stranger's hand ...

the flames burn through the night down Lawless Way   ashes never waste away    the temperature drops to minus three  
insistent spokes from the back seat of the Valiant target a spot in your spine

in the Valiant with slashed tyres you fail   - don't get stuck on that word -
hold that thought - fail    fail    FAIL - try again

with slashed tyres in the Valiant you fail to fall asleep   for a thousand nights
you     don't     sleep
don't dream don't fall

for a thousand years you could   sleep

but     you    don't

IV.
[interruption to #117.  former housemate on mobile.  two envelopes from the Magistrates' Court. redirected from undisclosed location postcode 9999.  one's a contest mention.  you've got to  appear. they've ticked a box.  plea entered.  the second one an adjournment.  you can send your lawyer or legal team   ...   yeah right]

V
I told you I could never stay away for long.
Things were turning a little crazy     without warning    
soft lies multiplied,   crazier
by the minute  

Just not that good at playing   normal.
Defeats me  every time.
Told you I'd end up back here: the unseen country.

On the edge of town, down Lawless Way
burnt   ground     a stranger's hand
shouting
scorched earth     a desperate land
screaming
time to find a good rock to bash out the living daylights
purging
time to crush the charcoal