#111 Kevin Brophy 'Gloss'

You turn the page of a glossy magazine and find a photo

of yourself in it. You look dazed, you’re half undressed

and your hair is uncombed. You’re out on a jetty in Bermuda

with sun glasses on. The story says your marriage is on the rocks,

that you’re having an affair with a young Mexican racing car driver.

You feel like ringing the magazine or going on

their Facebook page to let them know you’re not married,

you’ve never been to Bermuda and you never go out

of the house without dressing first then brushing your teeth and your hair.

They have your name right and they seem to know a lot about you.

For instance, they know that you have put on five kilos this summer.

It has been a boozy one.

How can they know that, and get so much of everything else wrong?