Chrysogonus #44 - secrets

secrets

(after Janette Hope)

my real surname

is my family’s

best kept secret

a chinese character

figure of a plum tree

in seven strokes

it’s preserved in a calligraphy

my grandmother painted

two decades ago

as her brush moved

on a white paper

she told me the story

the story of her uncle

who went out with the army

and never came back

the story of her cousin

and their new names

she never got used to

the story of a letter

guarantee for the safety

of her family

a letter full of strange names

names chosen randomly for everybody

will it be the same old family? ­– she asked

no more surname for us

it can never be written down

it can never be acknowledged

only the calligraphy remains

a secret family insignia

kept on my grandmother’s wall

-------------------------------------------

Rahasia 

marga sejatiku
bagi keluargaku
sejatinya rahasia

sebuah kanji
serupa pohon
tertoreh tujuh

ia tersimpan pada kaligrafi
hasil goresan nenekku
dua dekade lampau

saat kuasnya berdansa
di atas lembar putih
bibirnya bercerita

kisah tentang sang paman
pergi dijemput bala tentara
tak pernah lagi kembali

kisah tentang para sepupu
pulang membawa nama baru
nama yang tak sanggup ia ucap

kisah tentang sepucuk surat
jaminan keselamatan
bagi keluarga

surat bertulis nama-nama asing
nama tak bermakna baginya
keluargaku, masihkah sama? 

lenyap sudah marga bagi kami
tak lagi bisa dia tertulis rapi
tak lagi bisa dia terakui resmi

hanya kaligrafi yang tersisa
lambang keluarga, lambang rahasia
di dinding kamar nenekku