The colours
on the map
keep changing
Someone saying:
your fault – you fault
in the same voice
heard before
I cannot move
the borders
because it is
an old map
I could erase them
if that would make it
easy to maintain
the sky grows over
the undivided mountain
the fish and stream
close together and trees
doubtless of place
doubtless of place
do not resist
Where was that location
anyway?
The choice
was never yours
despite all the spaces
we vacate
we have opened a vein
and we must tend it
though it never was ours
in the beginning.
Danny, I think this poem is really very fine. But do you reckon it might be even better if you erased these two stanzas?
ReplyDelete[I could erase them
if that would make it
easy to maintain]
[Where was that location
anyway?]
Only a thought. I'll get back in my box now. Promise.
Thanks Rob I will definitely give it a try. As I wrote this last night very late when u able to sleep I hadn't really edited it much. It's good to,have constructive feedback. I appreciate it.
DeleteI think the border theme is moving in interesting directions... this might be one of the parts of a 366 anthology?
ReplyDelete