Kit Kelen #231 - notes towards a villanelle

231

notes towards a villanelle

no one in the mirror now

you knock, you scrape, wring hands

calm comes, though

not because you called

someone was here

and who invited?

do you know that song?

from before my time

but maybe you remember?

they've been through my things

now there's never knowing

all before was known

what's for dinner now?

everything is running out

see the empty bowl

all was known before

I have noted down

the day, the time

these things have slipped past

the web falls out of its own way

just where you try to catch

and when?

and when is patched from what

let me find it

let me

it's funny what you remember

I'll cry when you're gone

I'll miss you

something's missing

like something is torn out of you

should burn and rage at close of day

and rage

and rest the eyes

I'll have a lawyer onto you

cut their throats if they try

I can't remember

did I take that pill

and what is that pill for?

what's today's date?

what's today?

weep for it?

weep for what is gone how's that?

so we're beyond this world we're in?

or it's past us like an hour set stray

there's where the afternoon all went

and here I am and not again

why look at me that way?

I only do it to make them happy

fit as a fiddle I am

behind one door

the missing child

the locks will change

I never have seen this before

there's no one in the mirror now

but still a light, some smile breaks through

on or through I don't know which

and in a while will come again

and that will be the first time

now dawn has come and dusk is gone

and days are all away

the missing thing has lost its name

weep for in the mirror now

because you've gone away

clean these teeth that are forever

gritted through one sees the grave

the growl, and all things lost

but there is nothing left to name

the vanishing is truth of us

it's animal in each

blood and bile and spit and puss

and must not say such words, and must

there's no one in the mirror now

here's a fist to shake at that

here's an angry shout

fears are real and who's imagined

is this waking? …. won't I dream?

bone outlives the fingers' flesh

we're here but who knows how

there's no one in the mirror now

everyone is feared and feted

loathed and loved and please don't go

I'll cry

let go, be gone, go way, just

let me live as I decide

there's nothing wrong with me

why do they come, what do they want?

there's no one in the mirror now

you knock, you scrape, wring hands

be with me if you know who

if you have some sign to show

little pigeon noises then

long life is a curse

all say the words as long since scripted

just here to rehearse

now they're knocking at the door

I won't let them in

I'll change the locks

I'll call the cops

let's sing

can we remember?

no one in the mirror now

we're going, going, not quite gone