Chrysogonus #6 - I don't feel sick

I don’t feel sick

In February 20, 2016, some psychiatrists in Indonesia

tried to re-classify LGBT as a mental illness

I admit I had a bit of cold then, but

I couldn’t see any reason to go to the doctor

it was nothing an aspirin cannot handle

just a seasonal fever, a bit warmth on my forehead

and a frog in my throat, they were

not serious, but thank you for the concern

over my general health

                                                            I don’t think I’m sick

but you do, how do I convince you

that I am perfectly okay

blood check turned out fine, urine check

was clear, do you need to see the result?

why do your pupils dilate and turn red

when I’m around

you keep your children away from me

                                                I really don’t feel sick

but even if I did, don’t force me

to take the medicine, you know

I always avoid taking medicine

it's bitter, sometimes tasteless

one pill can turn my face as pale as snow

like yours now, did you just take one yourself?

                                    I don’t see why I should be treated as a patient

just give me a warm bowl of chicken soup

that will scare illnesses away from my body

chicken soup is the key for me

to live a normal life

keep to the work schedule

no more calling in sick and staying

confined in my dull bed

no more lonely pity parties

and longing for conversations

queer humour leading straight into giggles

                        I was sure there was nothing wrong with me

but some sneezes, some virus I may carry

but the benign kind

I’m sure you’ve had those viruses too

we caught them together, if you remember

when we were kids and we rolled

ourselves together under the blanket

hugging, smiling together

you shivered, like now

we were young, unafraid of any danger

why do you think there’s a problem now?

                                    I always thought that I was okay

until now, until I saw your look

of contempt and disgust

your feeling nauseated

the look that led me to question

my immune system

my heart started beating like a drum

a drum for an army to march into war

loud and strong – boom boom boom

heart wiggling and waggling

forcing its way out of my chest

clawing my skin

breaking my ribs

breath tightly held –

no air, is this my pain?

my terminal illness?

a threat to you and my loved ones

a threat to everyone

maybe now I’m ‘Patient Zero’

the one to kill before the outbreak

is that what you’re thinking

when you call me ‘the diseased’?

                                                I may be coughing

but my throat is fine, I have spotless lungs

there isn’t any mole on my skin

I know, I believe I am not sick

at the very least, not seriously sick

no, I don’t feel it

one way or another, I am not ill

but you, on the other hand

look a little clammy

anxious, fidgety

maybe it’s you

who is not feeling quite right?

I'm just wondering...

it's just a speculation at this point –

do you think there might be

something wrong with you?